


Bittersweet

by kelios, thorkiship18



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: First Time, M/M, Past Jensen/Danneel, Rimming, light d/s themes, past Jensen/omc - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 11:33:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18590422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelios/pseuds/kelios, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkiship18/pseuds/thorkiship18
Summary: Jared has never been with a man before--never even considered it, really. But Jensen turns everything he thinks he knows about himself upside down. There's just one problem...





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Thorkiship18 graciously allowed me to play in his sandbox once again! This is a continuation of his fic Honey Lavender--read that one first, or this one won't make sense. 
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/18452126

Jared really likes Jensen’s cock. Not something he ever thought he’d say, to be honest, but in his admittedly limited experience Jensen’s cock is his favorite (other than his own, naturally). It’s not quite as long as his, but it’s thick, wider than any Jared had ever snuck a glance at in high school or at the gym. It flushes red all over when Jensen is turned on, kind of like how Jensen’s fair skin blushes all over when they’re in bed, the freckles he has _everywhere_ darkening with arousal. He likes Jensen’s cock in his hand, fingers stretched around it, hot and slick and throbbing as Jensen comes all over them both. He likes Jensen’s cock rubbing sticky and hot against the cut of his hip when Jensen shoves him up against the wall because the bedroom is too damn far away. He likes Jensen’s cock hot and heavy on his tongue, stretching his lips almost painfully wide as Jensen holds him still and pushes into his mouth--they’re still working on that, but oh yeah. Jared likes it. 

He’s pretty sure he’d like Jensen’s cock in his ass too, but he doesn’t know for sure because Jensen hasn’t fucked him yet. Not for lack of trying on Jared’s part, including some outright begging that Jared will deny to his dying day and/or blame on the champagne Jensen bought for their three month anniversary. 

It’s driving Jared crazy. 

It’s not that Jared isn’t satisfied with their sex life. Dear God. Jared’s never had this much sex with anyone, and so far it’s been _mindblowing_. Even the first couple of times, when Jared came in his pants just from Jensen fucking his mouth was the best sex he’d ever had. But he can’t stop thinking about it, about how it would feel--Jensen on top of him, holding him down. That thick cock slowly filling him ‘til he can’t take any more, then Jensen pushing in even deeper. The burn and ache that the erotica he’d guiltily downloaded had assured him he’d feel for days, the bruises on his hips that would remind him of Jensen--yeah, he wants that, a lot. He’d never even considered sex with another guy before Jensen, never seen the appeal at all, but now...Jesus. It’s practically all he thinks about, but Jensen just won’t say yes. 

“I want to be sure you’re ready, Jared,” he’d said on their first month anniversary when Jared brought up the idea. They were in the hot tub corner of Jensen’s pool, the heated water a delicious contrast to the cool air outside. Jared’s legs wrapped around Jensen’s waist as they rocked together slowly, the wet slipslide of their cocks driving Jared well and truly insane. “I know you don’t have much experience with men, and there’s a lot I want to do with you first…” Jared wanted to protest that there was no time like the present, but Jensen’s mouth on his throat and Jensen’s hand on his dick had driven every other thought out of his head. 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jensen had breathed out against Jared’s ear a few weeks later. He was grinding slowly against Jared’s back, his cock dragging hot and sticky between the cheeks of Jared’s ass, thick flared head catching on the rim with every teasing stroke. Jared could _feel_ him, hard and leaking and so close to where Jared wants him. “Just want to make you feel good.” His hand tightened on Jared’s cock, his thumb sliding over the head just right while his other hand tugged on Jared’s nipple, already sore and aching beautifully from Jensen’s mouth. “This _is_ good, isn’t it?” Jared’s desperate whine had seemingly convinced him; he’d laughed, low and sweet, before whispering, “Come for me, babe. Want to feel you.” That voice, rumbling through Jared’s chest and settling low inside him, those words--Jared had never felt anything like it, the whole world fading away to nothing but Jensen’s voice, Jensen’s hands, _Jensen_. 

For their second month anniversary, Jensen asked Jared to move in with him. “I know it’s probably too soon for you,” he’d said, and Jared couldn’t believe that Jensen-- _Jensen_ \--was blushing and turning the glass of wine in his hands like a teenager on his first date. It was endearing,and Jared loved that his answer meant so much to Jensen. His answer being _yes, of course, oh my God_ as Jensen’s eyes lit up and he smiled so brightly Jared had to kiss him. Among a great many other things, none of which involved Jensen’s dick in Jared’s ass. 

_Sigh._

By their third month anniversary, Jared still hadn’t moved in. He’d had two months left on his lease when Jensen asked, and they’d decided to just let it ride and move him in gradually. On their anniversary he officially sold his bed and gave notice that he wouldn’t be renewing, and Jensen took him out to dinner to celebrate. He looked amazing in his suit, leaving Jared feeling slightly underdressed in his jeans and jacket, but neither Jensen nor the staff make him feel out of place. They had a bottle of wine with dinner and a bottle of champagne to celebrate, and Jensen tipped their cab driver well to make up for the rather blatant pda in the back seat on the way home. Jared remembers climbing into Jensen’s lap but not the bruise Jensen left on his neck. He _does_ remember Jensen growling _mine_ and knocking his hand away when Jared palmed his dick through his jeans, and fuck if that wasn’t almost enough to get him there on it’s own. He also remembers pushing Jensen against the inside of the front door and begging for his cock, for Jensen to fuck him, but he’ll continue denying that til his dying day, thanks. 

That night is the catalyst, though. A week later, Jared sits Jensen down for a serious talk. He waits for Jensen to pick a spot on the couch, then takes the other end for himself. Jensen raises an eyebrow at the space between them but waits for Jared, who takes a deep breath. 

“Okay, I just need to know something. It’s dumb, I know I shouldn’t ask, but I just...I need to know _why_ won’t you have sex with me? Real sex?” Jared asks, a bit plaintively. He’s starting to get a bit of a complex, truth be told. “Is it because I haven’t been with a guy before?” He leans forward, trying to convey maturity and sincerity and experience, only one of which he actually has. “Because I’ve been reading--”

Jensen makes a strangled sound that could be a laugh and is definitely a protest, raising a hand to stop him. “Jared...how could I not want you? You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, and...” He hesitates, considering. “And to tell you the truth I think I’m more than a little in love with you.” A smile, quick and beautiful. “I _definitely_ want to have sex--real sex, though in my not so humble opinion everything we’ve done has been fantastically real--with you, more than I’ve ever wanted that with anyone in my life.”

To Jared’s horror, he feels tears prickling in his eyes. He blinks rapidly, hoping that Jensen won’t see, but he can’t hide the waver in his voice. “Then why?” Jared hates sounding so small and unsure. “If you love me and I love you and we’re going to live together...why?” 

Jensen groans, head falling back into the couch cushions. “Jared…” He holds out his hand. “Come over here. Please?” 

Jared slides over next to Jensen, tucking himself under Jensen’s arm with a contented sigh even though this was exactly why he’d sat on the other end of the couch to begin with, because he can’t _think_ when he’s touching Jensen. Well, about anything except touching _more_ of Jensen, anyway. And that’s not a productive line of thought at the moment. 

“I’m sorry?” Jared ventures softly after a few minutes of silence. “I didn’t mean to upset you or anything, I just--”

“I know. And I’m not angry. This is just…” Jared is surprised to hear what sounds like embarrassment in Jensen’s voice. “Okay, so. This is a bit of a story.” 

“I got married to my best friend straight out of high school. No one was surprised; we’d always been close, and it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Our daughter was born a few years later. They weren’t exactly...good years. But they weren’t bad. We just both knew that something was missing. Danneel figured it out before I did, and luckily for me she’s a good enough friend not to make it harder than it had to be.” 

Jared sits up, puzzled. “Are you being cryptic on purpose?” he asks, only half joking. 

“She figured out that I like guys,” Jensen clarifies, pulling Jared back into his arms. “She and I had sex because that’s what couples do, but...that’s exactly what it was, just something we were supposed to do. It was never really what we wanted, and in the end it wasn’t enough for either of us.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared says sincerely. “But I’m glad you’re still friends. Will I get to meet her one day?” 

“Probably. She’ll want to meet anyone who will be in our daughter’s life as much as you will.” Jensen smiles at him fondly, and warmth settles around Jared’s heart. He’s pretty sure he’s glowing, if Jensen’s expression is anything to go by. “After we divorced, I started dating. I met a few guys but nothing really clicked until I met Michael.” 

Jensen stops for so long that Jared starts to worry a little. “Jensen, you don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. If this is something personal, then I can wait. I can. And I will.” 

Jensen shakes his head. “No, you were right to ask. Here’s the thing. I didn’t know anything about gay sex. I didn’t know much about sex period, but especially not with another guy. And Michael...when we broke up, he said it was because I hurt him. I’m not a small guy--”

“I noticed.” Jared can’t help interrupting, the sadness and frustration in Jensen’s voice hurting his heart. “And I’m not complaining, FYI.” 

Jensen doesn’t return his banter. “He said I was abusive, that he couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t date anyone for awhile after that, then I met Jeff. He was perfectly fine with topping, and we never got close enough to talk about why I didn’t want to.” Jensen turns to face Jared directly, touches his cheek gently. “I don’t want what happened with Michael to happen with us. I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

Jared’s head is spinning with everything Jensen’s sharing with him. He feels like an idiot for not realizing something was wrong, for not trusting Jensen. “Jensen, I haven’t known you very long, but there’s no way I believe you were abusive. Or that you would hurt me. I just don’t believe you’re capable of that.”

“I would never hurt you on purpose,” Jensen agrees. “Never. But I don’t want to take the chance that I might on accident.” He hesitates, eyes searching Jared’s face. “So I’ve been thinking that I want you to go first.”

“What? What do you mean, go first?” Jared thinks he gets what Jensen is saying, but-- “You mean you want me to top? You want _me_ to fuck _you_?” 

Jensen nods, his relief at having this worry out in the open showing clearly. “I would love that,” he says warmly, leaning in to kiss Jared gently. “I can’t wait to be inside you, but right now I want this more.” 

Jensen’s words leave Jared speechless, possibly for the first time in his life. He’s never even considered that this was something Jensen might want, but Jesus. He’s definitely not going to say no. “Jensen, you know that I trust you.” He waits for Jensen’s nod before he continues. “I trust you to be the same wonderful, caring, sexy as fuck man you’ve been since the moment we met, and I trust that you would never hurt me. If this is what you want, then that’s what we’ll do. But I want it to really be what you want.”

Jensen laughs, his eyes sparkling, a weight Jared hadn’t even recognized lifted away and gone. “Oh, I want. I’ve been on both sides of this equation, Jay, and I promise you--there are no downsides here.” He tugs Jared closer, hands on Jared’s hips as he leans up to kiss him. “I’ve been thinking about coming on your cock practically since we met,” he whispers against Jared’s lips. “But you begged so pretty for me to fuck you that I wasn’t sure you’d want that.”

“Wish _I’d_ been thinking about that,” Jared mumbles, dazed by the heat pouring off Jensen and the sweet burn of Jensen’s fingers digging bruises into his hips as they move together. “Christ, Jen. When? Now? I want--” 

“Hell yes.” Jensen stands, lifting Jared easily. His muscles flex around Jared, taking the strain of his weight without difficulty, and Jared thinks he might actually combust. “I was kind of hoping you’d say that.” 

“Fuck,” Jared moans, wrapping himself around Jensen. “How are you so goddamn _hot_?”

“Practice.” Jensen smirks up at Jared, who is forced to kiss that look right off his face. Jensen sets him down gently when they get to the bed, and it’s almost physically painful for Jared to let go of him. “Get undressed, Jay,” Jensen tells him, turning to the nightstand on his side of the bed. Jared knows that he keeps condoms in there, and lube, and the fact that tonight they’re finally going to use them gets him moving, kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his t-shirt. Jensen stops him when he starts on his belt. 

“Let me,” he says, nimble fingers already at work as he kisses a slow line of fire from Jared’s collar bones to his lips. “God, you’re beautiful.” Jensen makes quick work of his own clothes with Jared...helping. That’s what he calls it anyway, until Jensen swats his hands out of the way and does it himself. 

Then Jensen is sprawled across the bed, flushed and beautiful, and Jared can barely breathe with how much he wants this. “Where do I start?” he asks, desperate to do this right, to be everything Jensen wants him to be.

“Well, first--get over here.” Jensen smiles indulgently up at him, pulling Jared into his arms for a long lazy kiss. Then he takes Jared’s hand and kisses the palm. “Gotta get them wet,” he says, voice like silk over gravel, and slides Jared’s first two fingers into his mouth. His eyes never leave Jared’s as his lips close around them, heavy lidded and dark, and Jesus. Jared had _no idea_ that the pads of his fingers were connected directly to the nerve endings in his dick. 

“Jensen,” he moans, and Jensen lets him go with a satisfied smirk. Jared thinks he knows what to do next, thanks to his reading, and he kneels between Jensen’s spread thighs. “Don’t let me hurt you,” he says softly, and Jensen just spreads his legs wider. 

“C’mon, Jared…” he says, not quite a growl, not quite an order, but it still _does things_ to Jared’s insides and he finds himself obeying on instinct, two wet fingers finding Jensen’s opening and rubbing over the sensitive skin. “Just one to start,” Jensen tells him. He’s starting to sweat, flushed and beautiful as Jared pushes one finger inside him. _Inside him_ Jared thinks dizzily. Inside _Jensen_. He tries to focus on Jensen, but he’s utterly distracted by the sight of his finger moving in and out of Jensen’s body, the feel of Jensen’s muscles contracting around him. He adds his second finger on instinct, wanting to see Jensen open for him, spread wide around him, but stops when Jensen makes a sharp sound. His eyes fly up to Jensen’s face, fingers going still inside Jensen, but Jensen doesn’t tell him to stop. He’s got one hand on his cock and the other twisted in the sheets, teeth sunk deep into his lower lip. 

“God, don’t stop,” Jensen pants. “Feels so fucking good, Jay. Get the lube and give me more, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Jared scrambles to do what he’s told, grabbing the lube from the nightstand and opening it with trembling fingers. He settles back between Jensen’s legs, warming the sticky fluid between his fingers, when a sudden desire to taste Jensen--just Jensen--strikes him. He ducks his head quickly, gripping Jensen’s thigh with his clean hand and lifting it over his shoulder as he licks over the space where his fingers had been moments before. 

Jensen’s ragged cry might be Jared’s name; he can’t tell. He just knows Jensen’s hand is in his hair urging him on and he’s intoxicated by dark, musky taste of Jensen’s arousal and his bitten off moans, the way Jensen pushes into the press of Jared’s face against his body and away from the bite of his fingers digging bruises into his thighs as he pants, deep shuddering breaths like Jared is stealing the air from his lungs. Jared licks into him again and again, pushing his tongue as deep inside Jensen as he can get, moving up to suck at Jensen’s balls into his mouth, heavy and full and tight before being drawn irresistibly back. He gets his hand under Jensen’s ass and lifts, wanting to get deeper, wanting _more_ as Jensen arches underneath him. Jensen’s hole clenches tight around his tongue and Jared realizes, dazedly, that technically he’s already fucking Jensen, a wave of pure heat washing over him at the thought. Jensen’s hand fists in his hair, demanding more with a grip that borders on painful but even that feels amazing, the heat in his scalp sizzling down his spine to make his cock throb hungrily. 

“Jared--” Jensen’s voice breaks, so different from the collected and controlled man Jared knows, and the _want_ bleeding through that control makes Jared want-- _need_ more. 

“Can I?” Jared leaves the space for himself he’s made between Jensen’s thighs to kiss him, light and frantic all over Jensen’s face and throat, as desperate and needy as Jensen is. “Please, Jensen, I--”

“Do it,” Jensen orders, hoarse and rough but with that edge of control back in his voice, reassurance that yes, he wants this. “Fuck me, Jay, come on.” 

Jared fumbles with the condom, barely able to watch what he’s doing because Jensen has his hands behind his knees, holding himself open for Jared, and Jared can see where he’s going to push into Jensen _inside Jensen oh God_ , Jensen’s hole slick and spit shiny from Jared’s mouth. It’s too much, overwhelming, and Jared closes his eyes, trying not to come before they’ve even gotten started. One last deep breath, eyes fluttering open to watch as he rubs the latex covered head of his dick over Jensen’s opening and finally, _finally_ pushes in. 

Tight wet heat, Jensen’s pained moan and hissed _don’t you stop don’t you fucking dare stop Jay fuck_ as Jensen loosens around him just enough that he can move and this--this part Jared knows, hips circling as he moves faster, falling forward to kiss Jensen messy and hot, bite at his lips and throat as Jensen wraps his legs around his waist and urges him on, voice rough and cracked and low. Jensen shudders when Jared finds his prostate--moans and whispers _right there Jay fuckfuckfuck_ and neither of them last long after that, Jensen clenching even tighter around Jared as he comes, the world disappearing in a blinding rush as Jared follows him over the edge. 

Jared opens his eyes as Jensen shifts underneath him, brain coming back online in fits and starts as Jensen smiles lazily up at him. 

“Not bad for your first time, Jay,” Jensen teases, and Jared kisses the smirk right off his face. He realizes belatedly that he’s got to be crushing Jensen and moves reluctantly to the side, wince and shiver from both of them as he slides free of Jensen’s body. He pulls off the condom carefully and tosses it into the wastebasket next to the bed before relaxing back against Jensen with a sigh.

“Well, I had this really great guy giving me pointers,” Jared says with all the seriousness he can muster, but he can’t hold the moment and they both laugh. Jensen stretches sensuously, pulls Jared close into the circle of his arms. 

“Gonna feel you for days,” Jensen says contentedly, and raises an eyebrow when Jared laughs again. 

“It’s just...I read all these books, these stories,” he confesses. “And that’s one of the things they always said.” He moves a little closer, head resting on Jensen’s chest. “I’m a little jealous to tell the truth.” 

“You want me to mark you up, Jared?” Jensen asks, voice dropping low, heated. “Put bruises all over those long thighs, that gorgeous neck, make sure everyone knows you belong to me? Make sure you think about me every time you move.” 

Jared shudders helplessly, breath catching at the thought so that all he can do is nod, face buried against Jensen’s shoulder as his cock jumps at the thought. “Please,” he whispers, not quite begging, but close. “Been thinking about it practically since we met.” 

Jensen kisses him, deep and hot, one hand sliding down Jared’s back and between the firm globes of his ass. Jared’s breath catches as Jensen strokes over the sensitive skin of his opening, not pushing inside, just teasing. “We’ll get there, Jay. Promise. In fact, I was thinking that maybe we ought to celebrate you officially moving in next month with something special.” 

Jared moans softly, his half hard cock pushing against the sweat slick cut of Jensen’s thigh. “Not sure I can wait that long,” he whispers. “Need you.” 

“You can,” Jensen tells him indulgently, then his face turns serious. “I was already thinking about this before you brought it up.” He turns to face Jared fully, raising up on one elbow and tilting Jared’s eyes up to his. “I want us to get tested, both of us. Just a precaution,” he says quickly, but Jared wasn’t going to protest anyway, a little overwhelmed by what Jensen’s proposing. “I haven’t had unprotected sex with anyone since my divorce, but I want this to be special. I want _us_ to be special.” 

“Something else I haven’t done before,” Jared admits. He can feel tears prickling his eyes again and blinks them away, hopefully before Jensen can see. He feels so young and inexperienced and--

“You’ve got all kinds of firsts ahead of you, Jay,” Jensen says, voice full of promise that sends a shiver down Jared’s spine. “And I’m planning to share every one.”


End file.
